It Hurt Me To Say It
by KayKatastr0phe
Summary: PEWDIECRY. DON'T LIKE DON'T READ. "God why am I so stupid..." this can also be found on my deviantart account. The image belongs to Nutteh on deviantart. [thank you again for the amazing art friend!]
1. Chapter 1

It hurt me to say it… God how it hurt. Three simple words. Who would have known how much it could have affected my entire life. I had so many chances but I waited. I was stupid to think that I would have all the time in the world to tell him… But life has a funny way of slapping you in the face and ripping you out of your day dreams… Sure I had said it plenty of times… When we were playing games or even just talking late at night. But everyone thought I was joking. They thought I was goofing off… Then came the day when he told me about… Her. His girlfriend. She was pretty, I would admit that. I was on Skype with him at the time. I congratulated him. Then logged off… and I screamed. It wasn't the scream I had when I was playing a scary game or something with him. It was a scream of pure anguish. This couldn't be happening to me. But I had waited too long to tell him that I loved him for real. God damn it… how could I do this to myself…?


	2. Chapter 2

XOXO

[less than three, less than three]

I'm back bros! This is a follow up to the short "It Hurt Me to Say It" that I wrote for "Battle of the Feels 2013". It's a commission for ImHidanfangirl on deviantArt who won part of the sub-contest.

I really hope you like this friend!

[less than three, less than three]

XOXO

It wasn't like Cry to avoid me like this and his silence was starting to worry me. He hadn't logged onto Skype in a few days and I thought that he might be sick until I talked to Jund. He told me that Ryan had just been busy editing videos. Somehow I didn't believe him. Even when Cry was editing he always found time to message me. Not hearing from him made me feel… empty somehow. Marzia tried talking to me but I guess I was acting a little distant. I didn't notice it but she did.

BOOP!

I jumped in my chair at the sudden message on Skype.

Cryaotic: hey Pewds…

'There he is!' I thought setting my fingers to the keys.

PewDiePie: Hey bro! Where've you been?

…

Cryaotic: just… busy I guess

PewDiePie: Don't you lie to me bro. What's wrong?

It felt like forever while I waited for Cry to respond. The pencil at the bottom of the window stopped moving. The message wasn't sent. What was he waiting for?

PewDiePie: Cry?

Cryaotic: Sorry I just don't know what to think right now Pewds… Do you love her? Marzia?

This took me by surprise. I wasn't sure how to answer. I guess I did love her but something was up. I had to think about it.

PewDiePie: Well… yes but

Cryaotic: But what?

PewDiePie: There's someone I like more… I just didn't have the guts to tell them.

My pace quickened. Would he pick up my hint? Would he know that I was talking about him? I loved Cry. More than I ever thought I could love another person. Another MAN no less. I just couldn't tell him. He had told me several times that he loved me. But that was all a joke right? He was just playing it up for all the fan-girls that we had accumulated by doing our co-op videos. Right?

Cryaotic: Who is it?

"Fuck…" I muttered. I couldn't do this. I ran my hands back through my hair nervously. The ring tone from Skype rang through my apartment. It was almost deafening in the small space. I ignored the video call. I couldn't face him. "Damn I'm a coward…" I hid my face behind my hands.

Cryaotic: Answer me damnit.

The ringing started again. This time I accepted the video call.

"Ha-ha how's it goin' bro?" I chuckled.

"You know damn well how it's going." Ryan's blue eyes were sad. And angry… "I want an answer Felix…"

"You." The shock on his face was almost too much for me. He was adorable. How come I hadn't noticed that before? I'd seen this face so many times. Why hadn't it made my heart flutter like this?

"Don't you lie to me." Tears started forming in his eyes. "Don't you fucking lie to me Felix!"

"C-Cry! I'm not lying! I'm not lying to you!" I tried to sputter out the words before he ended the call but the last few were left to echo in my apartment. "Fuck!" I tried to call back but Cry had logged off. I fumbled for my cell phone and dialed his number.

"Hey, you've reached Ryan. Leave a message after the tone."

"Cry answer me please. I love you. I love you." I sobbed. "Please. I'm not lying. Ryan I'm not lying to you. Just answer your phone…" I hung up. Why wouldn't he believe me…?

XOXO

[less than three, less than three]

Yup. This happened. And I let it happen. There's a second part to this ;)

[less than three, less than three]

XOXO


	3. Chapter 3

XOXO

[less than three, less than three]

Told you there was gonna be a part three.

So here it is.

[less than three, less than three]

XOXO

I sat and cried. Felix was lying to me I knew it. I knew he was. He had to be… No one like him could love someone like me.

"Fuck I'm pathetic…" I groaned looking at my phone. My background was a picture of me and Pewds from last September I didn't have the heart to change it. People laughed about it but I didn't care. He was one of my best friends and I loved the picture. "Why do I do this to myself…?"

~xoxo~

"I don't know how long I'll be gone. Sorry…" I apologized to Marzia over the phone. I'll let you know when I come back." We said our goodbyes and I hung up the phone and clicked the "buy now" button. In a few hours I would be on a plane to Florida. I had to see him… After seeing him cry I had to go to him. There was no stopping it. I had to prove myself to him. I had to show him that I did love him.

~xoxo~

The next morning I landed in Florida and hailed a cab right away, ignoring the hunger that gnawed at me. I could eat later. This was more important. I struggled to keep my eyes open on the ride. I had made the mistake of not sleeping on my flight and I had to stay awake now to let the cab driver know we had arrived at the right house.

"So where are you from?" The driver looked back at me in his mirror.

"Sweden." I answered, looking up from my phone.

"That's a long way. What brings you here?"

"Someone I love lives here." I smiled tiredly. "And I have to prove that I really do love them."

"Well good luck to ya kid." The old man smiled at me. We made small talk all the way to Ryan's house. He asked me about Sweden and I told him whatever he wanted to know. I taught him new words and we told stories the whole time. At least it helped me stay awake.

"Here it is." I pointed to the house on the corner. "Thanks for the conversation and the ride." I dug through my pockets for the money to pay the man and my phone. As I paid I told him to wait for a minute. I didn't know how well this was going to go and I didn't want to be stranded here.

"No problem." I dialed Cry's number and crossed my fingers.

"Hey Pewds."

"Jund?"

"Yup. Cry's in the bathroom. He'll be out in a second. What's up?"

"Put him on the phone when he gets out."

"Mmkay. Watcha up to?" Scott's voice was the same on the phone as it was in person, smooth as silk. Just like Ryan's.

"Oh the usual. Games and all that."

"Nice. What are you playing? Amnesia still?"

"Yup." I nodded. I heard Cry's voice in the background.

"Why the fuck do you have my phone Jund? Give me that. Hello?"

"Cry?" There was a pause on the other end of the line.

"Pewds. W-What do you want?"

"Come outside."

"Why?"

"Just do it." I leaned on the cab and watched the front door. Ryan dropped his phone when he opened the door. I smiled at him from the sidewalk. His jaw went slack and he just stared at me. "Hello there Cry." I grinned.

"P-Pewds?" He ran from the front door to the sidewalk and tackled me in a tight hug.

"Is this proof enough that I love you?" I whispered in his ear.

"I love you too you moron." He cried a little on my shoulder. "You know you can't leave now right?"

"Yeah I know." I smiled, leaning down to kiss his soft lips. The first kiss of many that we would share.

XOXO

[less than three, less than three]

Annnnnd we're done with that. No more. I have to o write angst now. I'M NOT CUT OUT FOR THIS FLUFY SHIT YOU GUYS.

[less than three, less than three]

XOXO


End file.
